Healed from hemorrhoids.
Not only have I faced a painful life over the past three years where my family separated from me curtesy of Christian life, but I have suffered from painful hemorrhoids since that begun. Some days I could manage it with aloe Vera water I got from the supermarket but some days it would get to a point where my body would shake out of the pain. It wasn’t an every day pain but it would get worse with increased pressure from life coz pressure is manifested out in our body.
This week is when I noticed after all those months, years, of crying to God for healing that I started seeing that the pain is not there when I go for long calls. I didn’t want surgery, had no money too and I felt it could heal. I want to close that chapter. I know when a chapter is closing. God it is good that you heard me.
I am so happy about this because it is a tear that God, Him, has remembered. I feel visited. I was thinking about it why did God choose this week. Why didn’t he answer the first day. He let me keep asking and asking and asking but I am so happy that he did it. I really feel touched by his hand, I feel visited. I feel like a child who after crying for a lollipop has finally been given. It has really encouraged me, I want to go cry aloud like a child about some other things.
This was on Saturday 17th.
I slept well yesterday night meaning I could feel the presence of God which makes my body to feel good like a baby but around morning part I saw a snake in my dream, which I was able to avoid, but then in the morning I was woken up by a text message on my phone. I shouldn’t have checked it before I did morning prayers.
It just got to me.
I felt tired physically and I got so frustrated with God and I just felt so distrupted I wonder what God wants with me. I didn’t like him anymore didn’t feel like praising him. It’s sad coz he is the only thing going on for me. ONLY thing.
I just wondered what is the point of prayer all those prayers I have made especially this month. I was just tired. Combined with the fact that I am relying on him from hand to mouth I felt sorrowful. I felt disappointed, frustrated and angry. I am tired.
Went outside to the roof top and read other WordPress posts from other writers for encouragement and excitement. It helped a little.
I wish God could take me out of this hand to mouth cycle, where I have to rely on him on day to day like really rely on him. Yesterday for example I had no money for food but he led me to call a person who sent me something. I don’t know about tomorrow. I have come far coz by now I would be all cries but seeing him coming through and through so am not so afraid, but I hate it. It is such an uncomfortable place yet it has made me like a lion.
I want to pray that it ends but I want its benefit of being completely free and living in a miracle. To say the truth that is how Christians we were called to live. Walk on water. So today when I woke up I was not feeling like walking this faith life. I don’t even now, but I want God to complete his good work in me. I really do and I am really curious to see what he is doing and I really want to see him, there is nothing compared to that. Also this is a chance of a life time that may never come back i.e living under this kind of grace. I can see it. But I hate it I don’t want it. That is the space I am in.
I took some breakfast and it helped. I wish I could totally surrender and enter into rest but gosh. Why Jesus why?
I was tired after seeing that message because it triggered other frustration and had just finished menstruating days ago I wanted to cry and cry for God to stop this.
I went to church for singing practice and I wanted to lash out at some people but I chose quietness and love. Being a Christian and the devil is not sleeping and I don’t know what I am going to eat tomorrow…
I loved how I didn’t let offense at the church get to me because I still got my breakthrough through choosing quietness and long suffering. I thought about it, argue with people or go through with it soberly. I chose the later and got what I wanted. And getting what I wanted the enemity the Devil wanted me to focus on I turned around and focused on Jesus. Can you imagine how the devil would have won at getting me frustrated and depressed saying they hate me. What a waste. It was only Jesus that I chose the good part, I cannot imagine the lie I would have mingled with when my light is shining, no wonder!
To say the truth that was the most reason I was angry in the morning.
I joined a new church on Sunday since moving to a new location and it is God who gave me the wisdom to join a church as I haven’t been to church for like 5 years coz some church wounds cut deep but our Papa in heaven knows how to take us right back washed, healed and cleaned.
He knows how to take care of his church now. So today, being a Tuesday I went to church for the evening prayer service as per the brochure I was given on Sunday when I lifted my hand when they made a call for first time visitors. I had vowed not to raise my hand but I think it is time I get back to the loud me. Furthermore, it is God who told me to go to that church, won’t be in vain, and also join worship team which I did very fast. Can you believe that the worship leader was the same person I was with in the worship team in my last church 5 years ago. God is just funny.
So today after that prayer service the pastor asked if anyone has a testimony of course I had one. I have been sharing here over and over how God got me out of the streets where I was homeless and since I want to be loud, I raised my hand and I shared that story. That testimony is so strong people were clapping at every coma.
But that’s not the thing, I needed an uplifting coz I am presently trusting God to do another move in a specific situation. As I shared my story of how Jesus had parted the Red Sea right infront of my eyes I added that I really wanted God to come through in a particular area and even before I finished everyone just responded to me alarmingly. I remember looking around and it’s like they could see it happening, no doubt, it’s a yes for me.
Man, I rested my case and went back to my seat.
Can you imagine what that did to me. ..God gave me a multitude of witness..that’s what He did. They responded from the Spirit of revelation that my story gave them and in turn gave me my answer to my question, in the same knowledge of the unchageable God, they themselves having been touched. And the look on their faces, as they said it and their eyes wide open, I felt so seen for. They saw for me.
Lovely King, you are beautiful.answered, anxiety, assurance, believers, blog, by, church, depression, fire, gathering, gifts, go, god, healing, holy spirit, how, important, in, jesus, life, miracles, of, on, personal, prayer, prophecy, prophet, real, restoration, see, seeing, seers, sharing, spirit, spiritual, stories, testimony, the, to, uplifting, wait, why, wounds
All the time I pray for anything, God gives me the Holy Spirit. I pray for a car, Holy Spirit, a house, Holy Spirit, a boyfriend, Holy Spirit, until I told God one day, please enough with water!! I want my answers.
It is never by might nor by power but by the Holy Spirit. Zechariah 4:6
I remember when the Holy Spirit first fell on me with the indications of speaking in tongues. I had cleared campus and after months of being grumpy at home wondering what next I decided to join the church and be of service. I joined the worship team and truly my grumpiness stopped coz it was demanding and on top of that I was also undergoing a discipleship program. I grew in ways I couldn’t see at that time. This Jesus is amazing.
Months passed and I got used to what seemed hard in the beginning and monotony started to show itself again followed with grumpiness. I wanted the next thing, next direction from God. What is for me in this world, work, ministry? I am a person who is intentional in life and loves purpose and finding meaning which has made me difficult to figure out by others which is fine coz finally as I am writing this I got exactly what I was trying to figure out all my life. Jesus. My true north.
Anyway, in my monotony I prayed to God and after a long period of not answering according to me, He revealed himself on a Wednesday I remember very well coz we have evening mid week service every Wednesday. I had gone to town in the morning to do somethings and in the afternoon as I was waiting for bus back to go practice for the evening service i decided to check the second hand books being hawked by the pavement and for some reason I was attracted to this small book that was talking about the Holy Spirit at the cover title. I picked it up, fundled through it and I hear a voice in my head telling me Holy Spirit is coming today.
Now now now..you cannot imagine what I answered pertaining that voice. Yes I normally hear the Spirit but it never hits me until later. I was working in the flesh and I replied to myself that it is too late to start praying for the Holy Spirit as it is already evening and for such a move to happen I needed to have started praying in the morning. Smh. So I let that thought go and quickly returned the book and got on the bus to go deal with more realistic things😌. I wish the Holy Spirit would be announcing he was the one speaking coz that guy comes like a thief ☺️ ..and the sheep know his voice.
I get in the bus and straight to church. I wasn’t the only one who was tired I could see the boredom in the worship team and for sometime now.
After worship we sat down for the teaching and that night the pastor was speaking about anointing oil and had even come with one to demonstrate. So she told us to apply on ourselves, I was so not to it.
No sooner had I put my oiled tip of my hands on my head sides than I felt something inside my head fall. I was so startled that I screamed as that is the only thing I could express. The pastor seeing what was happening asked us to open our mouth and speak in tongues and I did it for the first time. I just said whatever came in my mouth without trying to figure out what or where it is coming from.
Things changed from that time onwards. Physically my stomach pains stopped. It had been so inconveniencing, this discomforts of stomach upsets whenever I eat anywhere other than home. Spiritually I was now carrying a presence because strangers would just talk to me at the road or in the bus and even open up to me on whatever was stressing them. I started to notice that people were attracted to me.
This was just the beginning…
..and it shall be to the Lord for a name, for an everlasting sign that
shall not be cut off;
Which name are you calling God in that situation you are going through?
I call my God Jireh!
I shared my story where I was homeless and taken out of the streets but every month I would wait to go back to the streets because of unpaid house rent but it just didn’t happen. Until I read Isaiah; “Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed. “
I call my God Jireh!
Man may give you thorns by casting you out and getting tired of you. But not if God is involved! Nope! Every knee shall bow in that situation! Every! Your enemies will give you that fir instead of thorns coz God has…saidso! Final sayer! What can man say?…or do..hahaha. Hahahahahahhahahah
God adds that it will be an everlasting sign. Very important. God needs to show his people that he is involved, hence He gives his people sign that I am here, in this situation.
When I am faced with a difficulty I usually search for God to see if he is involved..and when I see where he @t, that’s it! Just seeing God, just seeing that God is involved there is enough. It’s sure sign that I won’t spiral down, for when he gives the sign, his sign is everlasting.
An everlasting sign, a monument of the love, grace, power, and faithfulness of God, and for a sure token that the church and people of God shall not be cut off, but that God will have a people to serve him as long as the sun and moon endure.
So not only am I secure about that situation but I can use it as a sign forever coz God is God.
Wow, I love God.abuse, assurance, assured, bigger, bills, blog, can, coming, covenant, end, enemies, final, god, grieving, homeless, homelessness, how, I, I be happy, is, jesus, Jireh, joy, keep, mourning, my, of, overcome, overcoming, paid, pay, personal, problems, provider, provision, rent, say, stories, testimony, trust, trusting, turn, will
When I was homeless I had to borrow from friends. I was out in the streets of Nairobi in the onset of coldest months of the year. It is from this experience that my heart understood giving.
In my whole life I have never slept hungry or in the cold unwillingly but during this experience I understood the plight of the homeless and of giving.
Giving is something that is becoming part of me.
Last week, as still I am recovering from my homeless situation I received some 30$ from someone which was to sustain me, food wise. That evening around 4pm I saw alot of angelic activities around my house in terms of orbs of light and I wondered what God was about coz they were in glitters. There was this crusade I wanted to attend but was not fully motivated yet. I knew it was a good sign to go. I went for the evening session lucky for me I got a seat for it was jam packed.
A chance to dance and praise!!!
I love singing and praising God especially after how God took me out of the streets in a miraculous way you need to read about it.
I loved the gathering together in worship coz the energy is on top. I lost everything and because of that I can as well scream to God and praise his name coz what is there to lose? You should see me praise God! Outmost abandonment and praise.
I was talking about giving. So I decided not to go home but to camp at the crusade tent for the night coz anyway I was to come again in the morning. So after the crusade that evening I walked to the nearest supermarket to get refreshments, thank God I had the money. On the way making small talk with others who had attended, I said that I was planning to stay. They were like waaooo! They really wanted to be like that too but one thing they said stuck with me, they said it is grace.
I thought about it on my way to the supermarket. Grace? I feel like it’s a decision, not grace. I was wrong…
IT WAS GRACE!
IT IS ONLY GRACE!
Grace is everything and there is nothing for me to do but say thank you.
I learnt that in the middle of the night when the cold and tiredness came. They didn’t come to me though. I was joyous. I had so much joy and strength to speak in tongues all through the night I knew it was not me at all. I was enjoying it. Praise be to you God. Moreover I saw vision in my eyes of veins branches when I closed them. I thought it was my eyes veins and cornea and iris and pupil and…But I knew;
Except the Lord build the house,
they labour in vain that build it:
except the Lord keep the city,
the watchman waketh but in vain.
That is (Psalm 127:1). I was thinking about it today again, you mean even going to worship God is God? Really is there anything left for me to do in this world? is like Jesus did everything, and literally!
Can you imagine God built my house for me that night, I got to enjoy his bliss and the preaching and the dancing and the benefits of praying for free.
Okay, I was talking about giving. This was the next day after spending the night in prayer, tongues, wow, i love that I did that, the preacher asked us the next day to give towards paying for the facility rented. Of course now my money was less as I had spent on food but after being in the streets hungry and homeless and I saw that God is the one one who gives, I didn’t stress giving 5$. I was also giving as a test of faith believing it will be returned.
It is God who gives. I have borrowed people money for my sustainance but even the friend you know will fail you unless UNLESS UNLESS UNLESS Jesus has commanded and wills for them to. That’s why I don’t seek people I seek Jesus and he directs me where he has DONE IT! It is JESUS, IT HAS BEEN JESUS! You may think it is because it is your friend ,your job , family or ability..IT IS JESUS! Only JESUS.
And that day after giving, I realized that I can give even with the little coz then he will give me back. I am saying back coz I got back 30$ after the crusade from a person I borrowed, a place Jesus had opened a door. MANNA.
oh blessed King
Name above all names
My portion is beautiful
Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the LORD of hosts.
Lexiconraga’: breakOriginal Word: רָגַע
Part of Speech: Verb
Phonetic Spelling: (raw-gah’)
Short Definition: break
Don’t we just need a break, or something to break?
I have underlined my best description of God’s suddenly as you can see above.
God suddenness gives rest to our weariness.
I usually find that God’s suddenly is usually a today word.
In Psalm 95:8 the psalmist exhorts the reader, “Today, if you will hear His voice: ‘Do not harden your hearts’.
When the angel came to announce Jesus birth, he said,
8 “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God..
It was a today word and the suddenly followed.
Then angels sang saying;
14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
God’s suddenly is always about favor, it is nothing that we can give him for us to receive our suddenly. That’s why it is a suddenly, when you don’t expect…what you don’t know.
I like the song Mary sung after he got her suddenly message that she will bear the King.
She it sung saying;
“My soul magnifies the Lord,
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
49 for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
50 And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
It is God arms which performs the suddenly, that is why those who are proud are given nothing coz they don’t expect God’s arm to make money moves $$$. To them God doesn’t do…it doesn’t make sense,their money and connections makes more sense. The hungry people for God are usually the ones that are met with the suddenly moves of God, they will see the mighty moves of God.
Another suddenly I found in the Bible,
I felt I should share this coz the devil and evil people like to plot evil and catch the righteous unawares so that we fall for their suddenlys. Please…Stand strong. Look at them straight and very confident, let them feel scared themselves by your unexpected reaction.
God also has a suddenly for them.
But God shall shoot at them with an arrow; suddenly shall they be wounded.
I have also come to know that SUDDENLYS can be small small breakthroughs that keep you going. Now that is very important!
God’s suddenly can be a subtle miracle. Like small provisions are also suddenly’s.
Hence his SUDDENLYS are good, not like people’s which changes or is never fruitful. His is perfect. Perfect opportunities, perfect help, good, sure, pure etc. It will get you there. James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,with whom there is no change or shifting shadow.
I have shared a real life testimony of how my sudden miracle happened in this blog here. Enjoy!
Most African don’t know how how their real hairs is like and how it behaves. African hair is a bush..or a forest. It is not a sisal, like Caucasian hair. It’s a bush and a forest of its own.
Many Africans cannot tolerate, appreciate or handle their hair in its natural form.
In order to appreciate your hair you need to see it for what it is in its rawest form. We cover our African hair with all kinds of extensions and braids almost always and never interact with it no wonder the distress when we are left alone with it.
When we take a look at our hair in its natural form we don’t see it, because in our minds we are cringing.
How many can really look at their natural African hair without wanting to do something to change it immediately.
Since we have been children we have been taught that our hairs need to straight for it to be beautiful and acceptable. And in order to do that, there is need to correct it’s texture from curly to straight using heat. The pain I have undergone to meet this standards of beauty is cringeworthy.
So instead of really seeing what it is, we see something else…How it can be corrected! Who said it needs to be done something about! We see hate, detest and shame African hair.
African hair is a beauty to behold in its own. Only poetry, songs, ululation and drums can sing its hallelujah⭐️
We never get to awe at it’s beauty because of beauty standard’s bias.
This is called conditioning, and it is very difficult to break the years of conditioning on us unless by the renewal of mind from the lies and oppression.
For example, take a person with self loathe who wants to lose weight. After a long time of self hate, even though they lose weight, they can fail to see or appreciate their body changes when they look at the mirror because the mind is still clouded with the self loath and retains the past picture. People around them can see but them they can’t see. Can you think about that. It is serious! How come one is looking but can’t see. How come?
When you look at that African hair, at its natural state, if it is not beauty you are seeing, then one:
1. Practice self love.
The more you appreciate yourself; skin color, language, size etc the more you will appreciate other things about you and your hair goes with it.
I usually marvel at the beauty of my natural African hair. It wasn’t always like this. It took years to appreciate even myself and eventually my hair.
2. Have an eye for seeing beauty and art.
We were made differently. That’s the beauty. So see each difference not in comparison to, but independently. I had to take a good look at everything about African; the different types(mine’s 4C), colour, texture, size and even the African culture to see truly how rich black is. It is so beautiful..and diverse.
4. Get comfortable with your hair.
We need to befriend our hair again. We have been taught and have been practicing to hate it for a long time.
It is amazing how we cover our hair when we sleep, it’s to protect it I know, but mostly it is to remove it from our sight and mind. It is like a load that need to be covered and forgotten as we sleep. But slowly by slowly introduce your hair to your space. I usually let my hair open on some days when I sleep. It won’t tangle in a day or two incase you are wondering.
5. Look at your hair.
Truly, look at it. Go to the mirror at its natural state and look at it. Let it tell you and show you who it is. Does it coil, is it hard, does it stand instead of laying down? See it. Don’t change anything, don’t imagine any other thing or wish how it could be, just see it. Look at it. Naturally. The cringing and uncomfortable feeling and judgment will ease with time.
6. Understand your hair.
African hair loves moisture. I spray mine with water everyday. We feel as if our hair is a lot of work but it is because we have not been raised to handle. We have always hidden our hair under braids, weaves and relaxers hence having little or no idea about its behaviors and patterns. I have had my hair natural and open for the longest time and now it takes me few minutes to make and style it in the morning, something that would overwhelm many to do. I can come up with so many style. People wow at it everytime they see it and I wanna share the secret with you.
When it comes to styling my hair, I usually take a good look at it and it gives me the idea of how it should be styled. When I wake up, I see it as beauty even when rugged. And that’s the thing, work with it, that’s how I come up with many styles. I let the hair speak to me. I just look at it and I see and work with the patterns of how it has come out for the day after I woke up. That’s why I love my African hair. It has a mind of its own, I don’t make it straight all the time, I do minimum, spritz it with water, put a clip here and there, but mostly I let it take it’s course..
It’s is all about confidence baybee!
For example, since I sleep with my hair in ‘matutas’ or big twist before I sleep, I usually appreciate the curls when I undo the twists in the morning. I may pin some bits or stretch some bits but mostly I work with it curly.
For example on the photo above. The night before I had twisted the sections of the hair as you can see it still looks sectioned and when I woke up I just sprayed water and undid the twisted chunks. I let the twists to be the style . As you can see the front part is not as defined coz I messed with it trying to undo the twist more but my heart was telling me nooo leave it. If I had not touched it it would have been well defined like that middle part. Even the back I touched a little, but I now know better to trust what my hair is saying.
Above is the twists I tell you about. It can go from day to night protective style. It can be thick or thin depending on you.
7. Choose a day to stay with your hair just like that.
People are always afraid to let their hair be because it will tangle. Of course it will, infact I usually wear my hair tangled in public coz it is also a style,. I just spray it with water and go and people as usual complement it all wowed. Our hair carry glory, people see it.
It takes at least a week for it to tangle though, if left on its own. And for me to detangle it, I only need to spritz enough water on it and detangle with my hands. That’s all. Or wash with conditioner while combing it out.
The one blunder one could do with natural hair, the worst actually, is to wash it completely with too much shampoo hence drying it of its natural oil. That one will leave your hair to tangle and lock. It will lock, leave alone tangling, Lock! I have found myself thrice in this situation and it was R.I.P for me😆. The situation can still be redeemed with patience in detangling but it is that; A situation.
8. Hair is ART.
Play with it!