A desert is an unpleasant place to be but a good place if you want to see the God who divides seas. God is alive, but you will never know as long as you stay in Egypt.
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I have been paying much attention to the still small voice and have been asking God to increase the volume as I go through my day but He hasn’t. It usually ranges from a gentle whisper in my heart to a small word/phrase in my head…That’s all. And he wants me to believe it…That’s God.
I have been thinking and wondering to myself how God would entrust a still small voice to a human being, in that, he will, and shall, pay attention to it. I mean, He is a God of thunder and lightening, right? I can easily pay attention to that, my intestines too will pay attention. Yet He knew what He was doing and still knows.
Before you get used to it, it seems stupid that a still small voice is what we should listen to and what should direct us. David in the Bible puts his whole army at the mercies of the still small voice all the time. The voice dictated whether they should go for war or not. And it turns out the small voice was right…all the time.
I see how easy it is to brush it off as a random word in mind but this is the Holy Spirit.. giving a today’s word, fresh from the mind of God, about that situation or that thing. Think about it. Actually squeeze it of all its juices.
When I was homeless and on the streets I would listen to the still small voice for navigation. It was the only thing I had left anyway.
The voice would tell me something and that thing would come to pass. That gave me confirmation that I was on the right path through this thickness and darkness. When Jesus says He is the way…He.is.the.way LITERALLY! Please use Him.
A small wheel in the navigator is what turns the whole ship. So is the word of God, it has power such that it can turn the whole course of ones life. Even as a small gentle whisper.
I have been surprised how my whole being is sure that God is speaking and just in one word or a passing phrase I am convinced beyond my understanding that it is something relevant and when suddenly what I had heard plays out in a scenario, I understand God was the one who was involved and I can’t take credit and am glad I paid attention and not dismissed his assurance.
This experiences usually shakes my core better than thunder and lighting.
Praise be to God.
Read Psalms 29.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
This verse actually starts by saying “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old” I am doing a new thing.
A new thing.
That is my encouragement to you this day..this new year. God is always on new things, always! Always. Always. Always.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning angry and depressed that things are not changing but then I remember His mercies are new every morning and this may be the day He will change that situation and I am sent into a dance.
Yesterday I wrote about my being homeless and how I got a house and someone paying for me and all I had left to care about was getting food. It was such an excruciating time but I still amazingly looked forward to a good life.
It was a slow process. I prayed for Him to get me out of the situation quickly, maybe give me a job, or even a husband or a destiny helper…but God is not in a hurry. Imagine!
All this time He was saying I am doing a new thing and that now it springs forth..Could I see it? Of course NOT. Yet I could see it.
As weeks passed to months, I realized my life was improving. Not kinda, it was improving, I just had to believe that He is good and His promises are Yeah and Amen. He was answering other prayers just to show me that he was around even though he wasn’t answering it once and for all. Soon, I beheld his goodness and I was no longer moved… Praise be to God! I entered into the New thing he was talking about…where you know that He is there and you know that you know.
You know, God could have taken me out of that situation immediately, but he took time coz there is no situation. There is never a situation. There is only God. I even stopped praying about the situation coz I had beheld Him. In his fullness!!! Everything else became nonsense. I started singing and making melody in my heart.
Then subtly he answered that job prayer. I say subtly coz it didn’t take effort. The funny thing is that this is the kind of job he was moulding me for, coz you know God. I fell right into it. It found me where I was then. Where I was minding His business. I would share that story soon. All my transitions, I saw had provision to enable it. You would think I would lack bus fare to show up for my interviews. It was there…now in plenty even. He knows what He is doing our God.
It was hope that made my heart race when I imagined the possibilities of God. It was that feeling that I was made for this. It was that peace that surrounded me that I couldn’t explain why I could be peaceful at such a time. It was that knowledge that I am fine and will be fine. It was that faith that could move mountains. It was that small still voice that was making me still believe. It was that love that I knew I was loved by. It was that testimony of how He came through for me then when I was homeless. It was that fight that was still left in me, not in me though, but from another fierce source known as the Holy Spirit.
You will not die, you will live to proclaim the praises of God.
After being homeless, God provided me a place to stay where he made sure my rent was paid month in month out. It was a permanent sign. I was now worried only about how I would eat. I had no job. It was so difficult asking people for money. Man.. There are those who had waited for a long time for this opportunity. Some were men who wanted you know what, others were friends who just rejoiced in my suffering. Like David, I prayed that they will not get to utterly rejoice. Some shamed me for seeking for help so that I would instead just die…but they just didn’t know God…I also didn’t know God.
God said that he makes the bed of the sick, a Rhema word he gave me because he knew the situation. I didn’t like that word at all! Infact, I dispised it when I read it as I was looking for encouragement from the Bible that day, but it kept ringing true. To say the truth, I could feel what God was saying about how my situation was gonna be and it was not something I could accept.
I used to wonder what dying to the flesh means and here was an apportunity God was going to show me.
I thought I had died when I was homeless but it seems God was like naaaa, we can do better than that. I died over and over and over, daily, praising God not knowing if I will be back in the streets or how I would get the next meal. It was hard. There is a day I stayed 2 days without eating and God spoke to me about the way he had opened. Clearly he had, all I needed to do was gather my strength and know that I was going to live and not die.
I would wake up in the morning and remove every doubt that he was indeed going to provide and clean my house and do what I needed to do and call that friend. Amongst many no’s and rejection, there was a yes. The Yes that God had prepared. And I followed these Yeses and ignored all the no’s until I overcame. Amen! It was now evident that He would provide. Everyday Satan saw me waking up and making my bed, showering and ready for the day and he was sad that I had hope. The Devil was defeated.
I didn’t have physical strength. Which one? It was not there. One is usually paralysed at this point. You have no money no food and no place to turn to? It’s death..the death that He was talking about. Joy and Hope became my strength.
This Joy is no joke. I could rejoice in nothing. There was no human reason for living this terrible life but Christ was alive. Infact he was so alive over circumstances I stopped worrying about where to get my next meal, I started wondering about other things, like Jesus, who is He really? I was sure I would eat like the people who had money. I was even more sure, because mine was founded on a solid rock.
I was becoming much better internally and when I got strength and psyke I finally put curtains up in my house. This was months after. It had been that bad. I didn’t have the strength to even clean the house, who cares about curtains. I didn’t even own curtains but I had unused bedsheets and creativity.
The Devil nearly killed himself when he saw I was now decorating🥳🥳
I say the truth Jesus is life. I had no life and yet I was the most joyful and the most provided for. There is nothing we need in this life. Only Him. Man cannot live by bread alone but by every word. I am alive today just coz of living by the word.
When I was in my prayer time around three weeks ago, I heard God saying that he has met everyone’s need in our church. It is the new church I joined about two months ago. I was shocked coz of the amount of testimonies that was going to come in our Tuesday prayer meeting, where people get to share them. Not only that but God added that He was gonna use it for good.
One week ago two people shared their testimonies. One said how they were so depressed in their work place but had no guts to quit. She had prayed and knew she needed to do it. She got the strength and did the deed. As she was going through her email after she was at home after quitting, she finds this particular email about a particular job she had applied sometime back with a reply of acceptance for that job. She replied back and now she was giving her testimony while already working at her new job earning more than double her salary from her previous job.
The other person that stood up shared her testimony about how she had agreed to be the chair of this contributing committee where she pledged to donate 100$ but then she was faced by a dilemma when her bedroom caught on fire. One of her children was playing with the bedroom sockets when this incident occurred. Luckily, no one was hurt and only the bedroom part caught fire. She felt the need to keep that 100$ pledged towards repairing her bedroom but she felt something tell her to fulfill her promise. She obeyed.
Her doors opened when her small group in church heard about her tragedy and secretly planned to surprise her by not only repairing but also giving her bedroom a whole new makeover. Even her neighbors and her customers hearing her story gave her money.
It is only God.
I thought about this in relation to the word God gave earlier and saw that both scenarios had one thing in common; Obedience.
Yesterday during the Tuesday prayer meeting, I shared this word from God telling the people that God has said that he has met everyone’s need in church and I emphasized that obedience that activation point for the breakthrough.
Healed from hemorrhoids.
Not only have I faced a painful life over the past three years where my family separated from me curtesy of Christian life, but I have suffered from painful hemorrhoids since that begun. Some days I could manage it with aloe Vera water I got from the supermarket but some days it could get to a point where my body would shake out of pain. It wasn’t an every day thing but it would get worse with pressure from life coz pressure is manifested out in our body.
This week is when I noticed after all those months..years, of crying to God for healing is when I started seeing no pain when I go for long calls. Funny enough I had the worst constipation yet I had no hemorrhoids. This makes me think that it gets worse when healing is around the corner, I almost concentrated on that constipation out of nowhere and it hit me later that I have not been having hemorrhoids pain. Devil and his devices. I didn’t have money for surgery, I also didn’t want surgery, I felt it could heal. I want to close that chapter now. I know when a chapter is closing. God it is good that you heard me.
I am so happy about this because it is a tear that God, Him, has remembered. I feel visited. I was thinking about it why did God choose this week. Why didn’t he answer the first day. He let me keep asking and asking and asking but I am so happy that he did it. I am glad I was aware when it happened so that I can catch a glimpse of him. I feel visited. I feel like a child who after crying for a lollipop has finally been given. It has really encouraged me, I want to go cry aloud like a child about some other things.
This was on Saturday 17th.
I slept well yesterday night meaning I could feel the presence of God which makes my body to feel good like a baby but around morning part I saw a snake in my dream, which I was able to avoid, but then in the morning I was woken up by a text message on my phone. I shouldn’t have checked it before I did morning prayers.
It just got to me.
I felt tired physically and I got so frustrated with God and I just felt so distrupted I wonder what God wants with me. I didn’t like him anymore didn’t feel like praising him. It’s sad coz he is the only thing going on for me. ONLY thing.
I just wondered what is the point of prayer all those prayers I have made especially this month. I was just tired. Combined with the fact that I am relying on him from hand to mouth I felt sorrowful. I felt disappointed, frustrated and angry. I am tired.
Went outside to the roof top and read other WordPress posts from other writers for encouragement and excitement. It helped a little.
I wish God could take me out of this hand to mouth cycle, where I have to rely on him on day to day like really rely on him. Yesterday for example I had no money for food but he led me to call a person who sent me something. I don’t know about tomorrow. I have come far coz by now I would be all cries but seeing him coming through and through am not so afraid, but I hate it. It is such an uncomfortable place yet it has made me like a lion.
I want to pray that it ends but I want its benefit of being completely free and living in a miracle. To say the truth that is how Christians we were called to live. Walk on water. So today when I woke up, I was not feeling like walking this faith life. I don’t even now, but I want God to complete his good work in me. I really do and I am really curious to see what he is doing and I really want to see him, there is nothing compared to that. Seeing God. Also this is a chance/season of a life time that may never come back i.e living under this kind of grace. I can see it. But I hate it I don’t want it. That is the space I am in.
I took some breakfast and it helped. I wish I could totally surrender and enter into rest but gosh. Why Jesus why?
I was tired after seeing that message because it triggered other frustration and combined with menstruation I wanted to cry and cry for God to stop this.
I went to church for singing practice and I wanted to lash out at some people but I chose quietness and love. Being a Christian and the devil is not sleeping, and I don’t know what I am going to eat tomorrow…
I loved how I didn’t let offense get to me because I still got my breakthrough through choosing quietness and long suffering. I thought about it, argue with people or go through with it soberly. I chose the latter and got what I wanted when the devil saw I was not giving in.. Can you imagine how the devil would have won at getting me frustrated and depressed saying they hate me, they hate me. What a waste. It was only Jesus that I chose the good part, I cannot imagine the lie I would have mingled with when my light is shining, no wonder!
To say the truth that was the most reason I was angry in the morning.
I joined a new church on Sunday since moving to a new location and it is God who gave me the wisdom to join a church as I haven’t been to church for like 5 years coz some church wounds cut deep but our Papa in heaven knows how to take us right back washed, healed and cleaned.
He knows how to take care of his church now. So today, being a Tuesday I went to church for the evening prayer service as per the brochure I was given on Sunday when I lifted my hand when they made a call for first time visitors. I had vowed not to raise my hand but I think it is time I get back to the loud me. Furthermore, it is God who told me to go to that church, won’t be in vain, and also join worship team which I did very fast. Can you believe that the worship leader was the same person I was with in the worship team in my last church 5 years ago. God is just funny.
So today after that prayer service the pastor asked if anyone has a testimony of course I had one. I have been sharing here over and over how God got me out of the streets where I was homeless and since I want to be loud, I raised my hand and I shared that story. That testimony is so strong people were clapping at every coma.
But that’s not the thing, I needed an uplifting coz I am presently trusting God to do another move in a specific situation. As I shared my story of how Jesus had parted the Red Sea right infront of my eyes I added that I really wanted God to come through in a particular area and even before I finished everyone just responded to me alarmingly. I remember looking around and it’s like they could see it happening, no doubt, it’s a yes for me.
Man, I rested my case and went back to my seat.
Can you imagine what that did to me. ..God gave me a multitude of witness..that’s what He did. They responded from the Spirit of revelation that my story gave them and in turn gave me my answer to my question, in the same knowledge of the unchageable God, they themselves having been touched. And the look on their faces, as they said it and their eyes wide open, I felt so seen for. They saw for me.
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All the time I pray for anything, God gives me the Holy Spirit. I pray for a car, Holy Spirit, a house, Holy Spirit, a boyfriend, Holy Spirit, until I told God one day, please enough with water!! I want my answers.
It is never by might nor by power but by the Holy Spirit. Zechariah 4:6
I remember when the Holy Spirit first fell on me with the indications of speaking in tongues. I had cleared campus and after months of being grumpy at home wondering what next I decided to join the church and be of service. I joined the worship team and truly my grumpiness stopped coz it was demanding and on top of that I was also undergoing a discipleship program. I grew in ways I couldn’t see at that time. This Jesus is amazing.
Months passed and I got used to what seemed hard in the beginning and monotony started to show itself again followed with grumpiness. I wanted the next thing, next direction from God. What is for me in this world, work, ministry? I am a person who is intentional in life and loves purpose and finding meaning which has made me difficult to figure out by others which is fine coz finally as I am writing this I got exactly what I was trying to figure out all my life. Jesus. My true north.
Anyway, in my monotony I prayed to God and after a long period of not answering according to me, He revealed himself on a Wednesday I remember very well coz we have evening mid week service every Wednesday. I had gone to town in the morning to do somethings and in the afternoon as I was waiting for bus back to go practice for the evening service i decided to check the second hand books being hawked by the pavement and for some reason I was attracted to this small book that was talking about the Holy Spirit at the cover title. I picked it up, fundled through it and I hear a voice in my head telling me Holy Spirit is coming today.
Now now now..you cannot imagine what I answered pertaining that voice. Yes I normally hear the Spirit but it never hits me until later. I was working in the flesh and I replied to myself that it is too late to start praying for the Holy Spirit as it is already evening and for such a move to happen I needed to have started praying in the morning. Smh. So I let that thought go and quickly returned the book and got on the bus to go deal with more realistic things😌. I wish the Holy Spirit would be announcing he was the one speaking coz that guy comes like a thief ☺️ ..and the sheep know his voice.
I get in the bus and straight to church. I wasn’t the only one who was tired I could see the boredom in the worship team and for sometime now.
After worship we sat down for the teaching and that night the pastor was speaking about anointing oil and had even come with one to demonstrate. So she told us to apply on ourselves, I was so not to it.
No sooner had I put my oiled tip of my hands on my head sides than I felt something inside my head fall. I was so startled that I screamed as that is the only thing I could express. The pastor seeing what was happening asked us to open our mouth and speak in tongues and I did it for the first time. I just said whatever came in my mouth without trying to figure out what or where it is coming from.
Things changed from that time onwards. Physically my stomach pains stopped. It had been so inconveniencing, this discomforts of stomach upsets whenever I eat anywhere other than home. Spiritually I was now carrying a presence because strangers would just talk to me at the road or in the bus and even open up to me on whatever was stressing them. I started to notice that people were attracted to me.
This was just the beginning…